My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god
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I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
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When chemists die, they barium.
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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
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This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
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I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
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They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
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We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
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Broken pencils are pointless.
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I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
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What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
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I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
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All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
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I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
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Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
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A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
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The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
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Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Great Quotes:
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Shakespeare: "Never play with the feelings of others because you may win the game but the risk is that you will surely lose the person for a lifetime.
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Napoleon: "The world suffers a lot. Not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people.
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Einstein: "I am thankful to all those who said NO to me, because of them I did it myself"
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Mahatma Gandhi: "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"
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Dr. Seuss: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Boy with a Coin | Iron & Wine
(via adventuresinslumberland)
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Heads Will Roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
It’s Blitz
(via adventuresinslumberland)
